Personal thoughts

I am an incredibly fortunate person and I'm not exactly sure why yet but I definitely like it. I am kind of a cynic. I don't always have a lot of faith in myself and if i'm not incredibly talented at something I'm not gonna do it. I'm going to compare myself to every person I see doing something better, knock myself down and give up before I even really begin. This is probably why I never wanted to learn the piano. Katie was awesome -- I can't compete! It's probably why I didn't want to dance. That was Michelle's thing and she was great! It's definitely why I gave up on photography. However, this semi failure lead me to some pretty incredible people who may have no idea how much they changed my life. I realize my life is still just beginning and -- being me -- I don't want to get ahead of myself but I figure posting my honest thoughts about these people on a blog that no one ever reads couldn't hurt. So here it goes!

I quit photography. For a couple reasons. Mainly I realized it was going to be expensive to get really going with. I loved being in a black room and using all the chemicals but that was something you did in a class room -- no one does that in real life anymore. I also sucked. The teacher made it pretty clear. Never a compliment for my photos only things I could improve. It drove me nuts! Then I had to sit and watch everyone else who had amazing photos get not as many critiques and... I was done. So I quit my technical school and went back to regular high school.

Now I was kinda screwed. I wanted to do photography at a lower level without so much competition but I couldn't get in to that class in the public school. So I joined newspaper, kind of on a whim. I figured I could snap some photos and I'd always loved writing.

I ended up really liking it. It was easy. I talked to people, I wrote it down, I turned it in. No big deal. I wouldn't say I had a passion for it just yet but I thought it was ok. This is where my first life changer comes in. Ms. LeBaron was kinda crazy. I never knew what she thought of my work because all she did was mark it up and hand it back until I got it right. Sometimes she would get a little annoyed (working with teenagers all day will do this to you) and she'd take it out on some unsuspecting student. On the other hand she loved to have fun and it was clear she wanted to be a cool teacher. Her rules int he classroom were lax but her rules about writing were rigid. But -- her class was easy for me.

One day she announced to the class the annual trip to the high school journalism convention. This year it would be in Philadelphia. It would cost something ridiculous but it was a week long trip to Philadelphia  to see all the sites, take journalism work shops and compete nationally for recognition. My family has always been poor so I was not even considering it.
I was completely shocked a few weeks later when Ms. LeBaron pulled me aside and offered to take me at no charge. She told me I worked hard and she could see it and she felt like I deserved the trip. I was speechless, I couldn't believe it, and in the end I went!

It was a mostly fun trip, just seeing all the sites. The convention seemed like an excuse. In the end I won an award for excellence in the category of News writing in a competition against hundreds of other kids. That was basically 2nd place and it was at a national competition. It was just the little push I needed to realize maybe I could do this.

Ms. LeBaron continued to support me. The next year she took me to the convention again at no cost and again I won a prize (a lesser one but it was a larger convention so I didn't feel too bad). She made me the Senior editor of our high school newspaper, just below the editor-in-chief, even though I'd only had one full semester of experience. I don't know why but she believed in me. She believed in my talent and she supported it, in very secretive ways. She didn't show any public favor towards me but I always knew she was on my team.

When I made it to ASU I was a little scared. Suddenly I was in a top journalism school with hundreds of other kids who had way more experience than me. I took my two dinky little high school journalism awards and hid behind them.

My next amazing person took a little longer to find. He was another teacher. He didn't seem to notice me at all but he also seemed like a nervous teacher so I didn't take it personally. His part in my life was I'm sure nothing major to him but it had a huge impact on me.
He announced in class one day a class being offered at ASU that was sort of like an internship. You get hired at the Republic to be on the breaking news team and for two shifts a week you literally cover breaking news for all of Arizona.

I knew it was the experience I needed and I felt ready, so I told Abe I was interested in the position. He never really said anything about it but during my interview, I was told I'd been recommended and so I was at the top of the list. When I was hired I gave all the credit to Abe. We never talked about it but like I said earlier -- I needed that push. I needed to know someone had faith in me for me to have faith in myself.

This class/internship was awesome. I had great experiences, I covered huge stories and I met Aric. Aric is just a great teacher. Not that he was ever standing in front of us teaching us anything but he knows the business and he knows how life can go and he always has time for his students. He never did anything like recommend me for a competitive internship or take me on an amazing trip -- he just talked. He talked all the time. Not just to me but to all of his students. He cared what was going on in our lives and what our plans were for the future. Even now I feel comfortable calling him up and asking him for advice on anything. He was just awesome.

Aric gave me great advice. When my internship was coming to an end and I was considering the future he told me the Ahwatukee paper would be great for me. How did he know? DUH! He'd talked to me! He knew what I wanted. What a perfect match it was.

I was so excited to get an internship there. It was my first real job I'd gotten all on my own. Aric didn't know anyone there personally -- he'd just told me to apply. And I did and they liked me so ^^^ goes my confidence.

My internship was good. I always wanted more to do but I loved the community and the community loved their little paper. I felt comfortable with the people in the news room. It was just fun, easy going and at the same time it was work and it was professional and I was accomplishing something. Kelly was the next amazing person I ran in to.

Kelly was the editor in Ahwatukee. I'd just come from the Republic where Aric sat down with us all the time to check up on us and see how things were going. Kelly didn't have time for this. I spent the entire semester wondering how she felt about me. While I was unsure about her, I'd gotten a great response from the community. So many people were so grateful for my articles. So I left feeling confident and went on to my next internship.

I'm still in disbelief that Kelly called me back and offered me a job. I've started the job and I'm still working to fit everything in but I just can't get over how fortunate I am. Holy cow have I been lucky. I've had so many people who just want to support me. Of course these are just my professional relationships -- I haven't even mentioned my mom and my immediate family who are ALWAYS amazing.

I'm just super, super, super blessed. The end.

I'm kinda awesome

So... I'm pretty awesome. That's really all I have to say.

I admit -- it might not be all me. My Heavenly Father's watchin out for me too. My husband and I have been dying paying for our freaking apartment! We bought a house, couldn't get out of our lease, and have ended up paying for part of the lease as well as our mortgage for the past few months. All of this while I completed an unpaid internship and was bringing in about 400-500 dollars a month. We lived off Brendon and cried at the end of the month -- every month. And then sulkily asked his mom for the help we needed. She always helped, and we always felt terrible and immature because we couldn't pay our bills.

I prayed so hard! I couldn't take it anymore! There was so much I felt like I was missing out on because I just couldn't afford it.

Our prayers were answered in many ways:
1. My amazing best friend moved here and offered to pay the full price of the apartment for January -- even though they only lived there for part of the month. That helped us pay our mortgage for February.
2. A manager at a different store found a new job and Brendon took over his spot. This may or may not mean a pay raise but it does mean he gets benefits and bonuses and he's definitely more excited about his job.
3. The last one is kind of tricky. First of all I got a paid internship -- which was awesome. That extra money really helped our bills and we were feeling comfortable for once... and then it got better.
4. I was offered a job. A real job. A full time, benefits included, reporting job at a local paper. The pay isn't awesome but the job is actually perfect for me. And most importantly, it's something I can count on for a while as long as I work impossibly hard -- which I love to do!

But I'm awesome because it's my hard work during my unpaid internship that got me the job offer. The editor said I really impressed her. So... go me! And go Brendon because his new position is awesome too and I know he worked hard to achieve it. And thank you Heavenly Father for answering our prayers!