Sports

After attending a recent sports game I have noticed there is a common belief among many people that sporting events, especially outdoor ones are kind of a free for all. It’s a time to yell and scream and bring the kids out of the house. As a frequenter of sporting events let me tell you – this is not true. There are rules of etiquette even during a sporting event. So since not many people seem to understand this, allow me to spell them out for you.

1.     Just because there is an empty seat in front of you does not mean you must put your feet on it.  Putting your paraphernalia on it such as jackets, bags etc before the game has even started is completely out of the question. If, during the course of the game it becomes clear that that seat will probably remain empty then by all means – have at it. If someone leaves to grab something to eat during half time, that is not an invitation for you to put your feet up. If there is someone sitting in the seat next to the empty seat, it is not ok for you to put your feet up. They will come dangerously close to the other person’s head and they’re probably pretty dirty so that is gross. Basically, keep your feet to yourself for the duration of the game, ok?!

2.      Just because the girl who sang the national anthem totally forgot the words and pretty much had to start from the beginning again and really didn’t hit all the notes very well, does not give you the right to give her two big thumbs down as she’s walking off the floor. I’m sure she’s humiliated enough without you being a jerk about it. While we’re on the subject of this character, please leave your naked girl shirts at home when you leave for a public place. They’re gross and I don’t want to have to sit behind you and stare at this naked cartoon all night. The fedora doesn’t make you any cooler either. Nice try.

3.     If your children are old enough to walk, they should be wearing shoes out in public. There’s a lot of nasty people at sporting events and your child is walking around with no shoes? Umm… gross.

4.     While we’re on the subject of children, if your children are not mature enough to sit and watch a game, please leave them at home. This will not only prevent the people in front of you from having to be touched by your kids nasty pizza fingers or have their chair kicked throughout the entire game, you can support your local economy by hiring a babysitter. It'll probably actually save you money in the long run since I'm pretty sure most kids go to these things just for the food.

5.     Yelling “over here!” during the shirt toss probably won’t give you any better shot at getting a shirt than simply jumping up and down would. Yelling it louder still doesn’t help. Yelling obscenities definitely doesn’t help.  Please just SHUT UP DURING THE FREAKIN SHIRT TOSS!!! Thank you.

6.     If you are performing during half time and your best friend is on a date somewhere in the crowd, don’t go find her when you’re done. Definitely don’t make her date move over so you can sit next to her. He’s probably kinda pissed about that…

7.     If you realize you are running late to the game, it’s a good idea to leave your way oversized, OMG-how-do-you-even-walk-with-that-stupid-thing-sized purse at home. You’re going to be entering a crowded arena with seats kinda close together. If you’re carrying a bag that big there’s a chance it’s going to get very much in the way. It’s annoying enough to arrive so late but to arrive late and then smack the people sitting in front of you with your way too huge back is probably bad karma.

8.     If you’re going to take pictures at the game, at least turn off your screen. Your shots of players 50,000 feet away suck and it’s probably driving the semi-skilled photographer behind you crazy to see you chop off everyone’s feet. What are you gonna do with that crappy shot of that player anyways? You definitely won’t hang it up (though, by the way you’re showing it off to everyone around you maybe you will, idk) you’ll probably show it to a few more people and say something like “I saw this guy from 26 rows away! I was using binoculars the whole time but look how close my camera can zoom! Yeah I know he’s blurry…” and then it’ll sit and rot on your hard drive somewhere, never to be seen again. Maybe if you had gotten his feet in the shot it’d have a little more meaning.

9.     There are trash cans in these places, I’ve seen them. I can also see you, and you have legs and hands. So… there’s no excuse for leaving your trash all over the ground. If you don’t have arms or legs, then feel free. J

I’m sure there’s more etiquette to be learned but this was all I saw as important for this particular night. Please apply these things next time you go out and enjoy the game!